omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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