my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
