Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
