You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
