If i come over, it means nothing
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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