I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
