Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
