Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
