he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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