Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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