Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
