Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
