mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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