Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
