apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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