Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
