Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
