so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
