yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I feel kind of like weāre in a gang and tonight is one of those āpeople are gonna know not to fuck with usā type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. Iām not really sure how I got to this point in my lifeā¦ but I like it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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