my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
