i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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