I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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