you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
