my vag is so smooth its legendary
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
