If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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