Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you didnt know i had herpes?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
