you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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