its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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