I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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