1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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