I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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