i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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