is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
