What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
