so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
