Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
