Only a mothe r could love this liver
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
