dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize