Please, let me fuck your mom
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
