Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
