Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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