i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
