In the future we'll all be gay
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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