I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
