Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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