The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
