just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How's work?
Spinning.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
