Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
