the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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