i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
