in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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