He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
