idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
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You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.