WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
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that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much