Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea