Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
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He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.