I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
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We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
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But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.