my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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