you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You made out with two different species that night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
