My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
