dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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