Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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