**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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