Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
