The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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