I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
