Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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