is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
