Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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