I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
