I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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