Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
