No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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