Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
