I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my poor anus
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
