Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My dick has a subreddit
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
