Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If I die, sorry about rent.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
