actually, I'm a sock model
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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