if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
