i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
