you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize