I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
