I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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