So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
