i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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