wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
