Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
