Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
