tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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