last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
