I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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