the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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