so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What drink are we having for lunch?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
