Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
is wine microwaveable?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
