she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
