I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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